Not Good Enough!

Some of you might know this already, I’ve been practicing breathwork for a number of years and have recently qualified as a Vanta Breathwork facilitator.

Breathwork is incredibly powerful and I wanted to share what came up for me today. I attended a Big Release session with 4 facilitators carrying out different modalities throughout the session.

Now, as someone who has attended lots of sessions, I think I realised today that I dont completely let go and go into it 100%. Im not sure I did today tbh, but it was certainly more than I’ve done before.

So it became apparent early on in the session that I was bringing my almost 50 years of ‘Not Good Enough’ feeling with me today. So I explored this throughout todays session.

My first evidence of not being good enough was at school, I failed everything, teachers gave me less than glowing reports, ‘must try harder’ ‘needs to pay more attention’ I actually didn’t go to school as much as I should.

Next, 2 failed marriages, and more recently my 12 year relationship ended spectacularly a couple of years ago. That’s a lot of baggage following me around.

Then onto being a mum. This bit im not particularly comfortable discussing as there’s a lot of shame and guilt surrounding this. And I’m going to skip over this slighly as I think this is a ‘me’ feeling rather than my boys. But im not proud of how much I disrupted my kids childhood. I think this is something I will have to do more work on.

THEN

On the flipside, I got to think of the evidence that I am good enough.

I have 2 degrees, im a head of procurement, my boys tell me very frequently how proud they are of me, im in a relationship with someone who makes me feel im more than enough every minute of every day. I have such an incredible friendship group who wholeheartedly believe in me and support me endlessly. Im 7 years sober. I have a wellbeing business and coach and inspire people in sobriety every day.

So what is the difference in the I’m not good enough list to the evidence in the I am good enough list.

My own self belief. I have to believe I’m good enough, and I think I was carrying the I’m not good enough story around on my shoulders every single day. This resulted in me 100% believing I dont deserve to be happy.

All of this work and realisation in a singular breathwork session – who’d have thought?

Although I’ve had this realisation and massive breakthrough today, I dont think thats the last of it. I need to either explore more, or work on cementing the belief that I am actually good enough.

I’ll finish off by saying if you get the opportunity to attend Breathwork and cry loud sobs and shaking a release throughout but come away feeling invincible, clearly good enough, and much much lighter…I’d highly recommend it.

Lots of love and healing – Sue