3am

What are you doing at 3am, I bet you aren’t lay awake riddled with anxiety after being blackout drunk full of regrets, but you dont know what for, because you have absolutely no idea what you did or said or when you actually went to bed. so you are sat scrolling through texts, twitter and facebook.

Each time I lay there I searched frantically for evidence of my dick moves, then thinking I was going to die, like really die, I felt it in my bones, the pit of my stomach, my head and my heart. It was living through hell! I was hot sweaty absolutely filled with dread and fear and this would last until 4.30am – every single day.

In this hour and a half I would make a pact with myself, every 5 minutes, stop drinking tomorrow, please do this, please dont drink, you are a dick, please stop drinking! I’d then fall back to sleep, wake up again and be extremely sheepish with Pete as I will have caused world war 3 the night before, I’d have fell out with him without him even knowing. Poor Pete!

Then my morning walking through treacle would ensue, by dinner time I would have sobered up slightly, meaning this was when I started to reason with myself ‘maybe just one or 2?’ – talk about Groundhog day!

If you are in this viscious cycle of hell, please please do get help, ask you GP for support, read all the quit lit you can get your hands on, speak to friends, join a support group – ask me, i’ll offer advice, whatever it takes.

Please dont suffer with the 3am hell!

Love from me

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