I’ve said it before that writing this blog is a great way of working through my thoughts and feelings, a type of therapy. This type of working through feelings is still all new to me, I never dealt with the feelings before, I just drank to numb them and block them out.
Almost 4 years ago my wonderful Dad passed away, quite suddenly. This left a massive gaping hole our family and our lives.
Personally is I absolutely used it as an excuse to hit the bottle even harder than normal, I cried more….every single day, I was incredibly sad as you would expect. So for 2 years I was even more out of control, by the day. My alcohol consumption increased massively and I was a complete and utter knob by this time. You’d think watching my dad drink extremely heavily for years would have made me steer well clear of the life destructive poison, but no! I wasn’t the type of person to be sensible.
Anyway, today I went to Kenmore in Scotland where Dad’s final resting place is, I’ve been here a few times before and each time I’ve been incredibly blackout drunk and out of control. We had a family wedding up here in 2015 my brother got Married when dad was still alive, he passed away a few months later. We then came up again to scatter dads ashes here in 2017, we came back up the year after to visit…. all 3 events extremely alcohol fueled. Today I came back to Kenmore 15 months sober, no poison left in my body and absolutely in the best place of my life ever!
I called just to say ‘Hi’ today and see this beautiful place that will always remain one of my favourite places I’ve ever been. However, It did get me wondering…. did my Dad know how much I’ve completely turned my life around? did he know I’d graduated from my Degree and have letters after my name? did he know I was now a Procurement Manager? did he know I was an ultra-marathoner and that I’d co-founded a massive running club for all abilities? Did he know I still raised thousands of pounds each year for cancer charities to help others and did he know I’d been nominated for 2 ‘Inspired Women’ awards this year?
My thoughts are yes he will know, and I suspect and like to think that he’d be very proud of his little girl! Xx
PS. Thanks to Pete for taking a 2 hours detour to say Hi to Dad x