***(An old post from 2 years ago. Published itself….maybe it was supposed to, to erase the painful memories at that time 🤔)***

Well, where do I start…

My life since being sober this last 5 years has been amazing, everything has been hunky dory and apart from some stress whilst working and doing my degree, I’ve been really busy living my best life – and I’m extremely grateful for all of this. I’ve had a ball!

However, I’ve just had my 12-year relationship end, rather unexpectedly! And that’s all I want to say about that.

I’ve come to learn that it isn’t just my partner I’ve lost, but my best friend, confidant, partner in crime, cheerleader, supporter, dream sharer etc etc – but I’ve also lost my sparkle, lost my way and my way of life a little too.

I’ve struggled, like really struggled – I can only describe it as a trap door opening and freefalling for days and weeks, 6 weeks actually and it’s been the most devastating and difficult 6 weeks of my life.

I know people feel grief is only for when people die, but it’s not. Essentially, it’s when you lose something and I’ve lost something, someone pivotal to who I am or was. A huge huge part of my life!

The reason I chose to write this blog today is to share some hope though, so many people (including myself some days) would think they can’t pick themselves up and carry on and sparkle again, it’s too painful (who knew the pain could be physical?). Some people turn back to addiction when they encounter trauma. This was not where I was going to end up!

I refused, I refuse to let someone, something, a situation de-rail me or undo all of the hard work, that I’ve done for 5 years. So, I have had to dig deep, really deep and use all of the tools from my toolbox, my sobriety toolbox in fact – that’s what helped me shape the person I am today, it helped me to cope when something I relied upon was removed from my life – so why not use it through this heartache?

So, I have journaled, meditated, got out in nature, cold water therapy, breathwork, swore like a trooper, leaned on friends and family. All of these things have kept me sane in recent weeks and meant that some days I’ve had a smile on my face. Mainly because of those very, very good people around me, my son has been an absolute godsend checking in on my at least every hour. Adam, you can stop now. I will be ok!

And I will be ok, I know this, but it doesn’t stop the crippling anxiety, the feeling my arm is missing, the trapdoor is still open, the freefalling still happens every day …..BUT, I will be ok!

If you are sober, or sober curious…or neither, and if you are suffering loss, then I’m sorry for your loss – but you will be ok! Lean on your friends, use your toolbox and swear like a trooper…..

Lots of Love

All shiny and new, Sue x

I’m off to find my sparkle ………..It’ll be in cold water or under a sunset

Reaching 50. Is a privilege not everyone has. I almost didn’t. I’m very grateful I got sober when I did, changed my life when I did. It continues to get better by the day.

I’m here, I’m living my BEST life 💕

I had a massive party at the weekend, celebrating with all my favourite people, I have a year of celebrations lined up, I have been treated to beautiful gifts, jewellery, money to get me to Bali, a hot air balloon. Plus much much more.

I’ve then spent the evening tonight with Jay, my boys, casey, my mum and sister Emma & Will. What a very special evening.

I’m very lucky indeed.

Life is incredible – bring on the rest of the year!

♥️

Thank you everyone who made my 50th birthday the most perfect time

♥️♥️♥️

It’s the 9th anniversary of losing my dad tomorrow. I’ll mark the day my way, as always. I’ll take some time to remember the very funny and very kind man he was. Take some quiet time for me to remember.

This week I was reminded of the place I was in this time last year, I was feeling lost, a little lonely, vulnerable, sorry for myself, missing a male role model in my life (in spite of my fierce independence) but was still missing that.

Last year was one of the only times I’ve been single in my long adult life, and boy did I feel out of sorts. I always miss my Dad on his anniversary or Birthday anyway, but I’d had my life turned upside down, lost my social media including all my pictures of my Dad and my kids. Last year at this point, it just felt a bit rubbish!

Fast forward a year, my life is entirely different, I’m entirely different. However I absolutely know that my Dad, who is looking over me. I know this. He’ll be incredibly proud of his little girl, how far she has come and how happy, content, successful, and making a difference she is….

Thanks for looking over me 😘

Love and miss you Dad….your little girl

❤️

Let me know what you think?

Thank you to Liverpool Community Podcast – Chase and Phil are such great guys!

x

My biggest ever adventure!

Bali 2024 you made me! I say 2024 as I’ll absolutely be going again. It was life changing.

My life ordinarily is full on crazy, 3 jobs and trying to maintain friendships, a relationship and see my kids and my family. It had almost pushed me to burn Out.

So I embarked on what I thought was the trip of a lifetime, and whilst it was, as mentioned…I will be going again.

Bali, I feel, has become my spiritual home. Not a house, but an ‘at home’ feeling. In my heart and my mind. Very special indeed.

I will forever be grateful to the place, the beauty, the peace and calm, the culture, the spiritual practices, the retreat, the yoga and the people.

The people I met there, the people I went with, all very dear to me. All part of my journey.

I went to find peace and calm, not quiet in sound, but inner peace, in my heart and mind. I found that in beautiful Bali. I never thought a girl like me would make it to Bali. But not only did I make it, it completed me.

I’m loving the new calmer, more peaceful, fully healed, really happy version of me.

Thank you Bali
🙏

Woke up after a very comfortable night at Ullapool. The hotel was very lovely and I must have been wiped out as I slept through till 8am which never happens.

We checked out at 10am in miserable weather. Sideways rain common here 😂 we drove to Lochinver which was a town that I’d probably heard of but didn’t look into why it was on my list. It was lovely though but we fuelled our cars and our bellies and set off for the beautiful and breathtaking Achmelvich bay.

It was one of the places I most wanted to visit on this trip for its turquoise water and white sand. Adam was insistent it wouldn’t look like the pictures and that those were just pics from sunny days on the Internet…I was right, it was just as stunning as the pictures. The turquoise sea was incredibly cold though, proud of Adam having a cold water dip too.

The roads by now were all NC500 roads and a chunk of them were the single track roads I’d been dreading…they were actually a bloody dream to drive! We drove 90 miles today but our drive time was almost 5 hours. So that tells you the kind of roads we were on.

Our final destination was Durness Bay at the very top of the world, or just the UK 😂 you can’t book the campsite so it was a big risk driving all this way and hope there was space. Luckily there was, we have the best pitch and the campsite is epic.

So I’m car camping and Adam is in his tent. We have had such an incredible day and incredible 3 days together. Adam is heading home tomorrow and I’m still adventuring, but I’m so very glad we did this and so glad we did it together

❤️

Na night from the top of the UK

🌈😴

We woke up in Kenmore all dry and cosy and refreshed from a good nights sleep. Said goodbye to Dad (his ashes) and then we headed over to the west, to Glencoe, which isn’t on the NC500 but looked spectacular to visit.

What an understatement! As we passed a sign saying welcome to the Highlands I was already in love with the vast and beautiful landscape. Then Glencoe…if ever a place was going to take your breath away and leave you mesmerised.. it’s here. I think it’s genuinely the most beautiful place I’ve been.

We went to the visitors centre, walked around, met the Highland coo’s (cows to you and I) and then headed to our next destination, back east to Loch Ness. Stunning, but I’d been spoilt by Glencoe.

Back west again towards Ullapool (who come up with this itinerary 😂) we were now officially on the NC500. Because we were breaking the journey up we stopped at Rogie falls which saw lots of salmon jumping up the falls. Pretty spectacular indeed!

We left Rogie falls and drove today’s last leg to Ullapool. We were greeted by the friendliest hotel owner who sorted us out with the best fish & Chip recommendation and was just genuinely really very helpful.

We ate our tea on the beach, watched the seals, plotted our trip for tomorrow and now in bed, super early. Adam bagged the best room. Fuming! Ha…

This trip, especially today has far exceeded my expectations. The best bits being Glencoe, sharing the adventure with Adam (he is having an amazing time too) and surprisingly…the driving. The driving has been so very lovely and picturesque that it’s all been very easy.

Checking out on Day 2. It’s been a blast

Sue & Adam
X

For a number of years I’ve been wanting to do the NC500 which is a beautiful and rugged coastal road trip around Scotland. Something always come up or we went somewhere else. Which isn’t a moan, I’ve just always wanted to do this.

I was going to postpone this trip again as I had so much on this year and I’m going to Bali soon. But I’m doing it with my youngest son who would have gone without me and it was important to me to do this with him.

We are doing some bits of the NC500 but not all, Adam will do it over 3 days and I’m staying for 6 days 😍 we are doing our own way and will come back to do the bits we miss.

We drove to Kenmore today which is a very special place in our hearts, it’s where my Dad’s ashes are and we frequently come here to visit him.

We were due to car camp/wild camp, and honestly it’d be like camping in the actual Loch Tay as its all so flooded around here. So we did decided at 5pm to throw caution to the wind and book a hotel. We obviously dropped on as we were told it was fully booked. It is bank Holiday after all.

In my head I asked my Dad to assist…and so, here we are in the hotel 😂😘 thanks Dad. There was also a Robin on the fence as we checked in. Adam laughed…but I’m happy with what I believe 🐦

Tomorrow we travel across scotland to visit Glencoe and then onto the Nc500 route near Inverness and head towards Ullapool. I’m really looking forward to driving the beautiful route I’ve longed to explore for so long. Lots of memories to be made.

Checking out on day 1 of our Scotland road trip –  sleep well 😘

💙

Dad’s resting place 😘😘😘