Wow hasn’t it been crazy! I’ve literally burnt out from the last 6 weeks of constant 12 hour days. I didn’t have a break over Christmas so have only had a couple of days off in weeks. I work for the NHS so have been busy buying everything to build vaccination clinics from scratch whilst managing a team who are doing the everyday pandemic plus business as usual buying. As well as work being crazy I started an apprenticeship degree and Management in Health and Social Care this week. I know, why would I do this? But ….its something I’ve fancied for a while and we were mid ‘waves’ when I actually signed up. Not in wave 3 lockdown craziness.

So last week I worked a million hours, plus 2 days of university and no exercise. This was the worst part, the no exercise. I literally do something exercise wise every day usually. Even if its a couple of km dog walk, clubbercise by zoom or Pilates. So to do nothing for a week I was really struggling, Mentally and physically. It made me realise that not only was I struggling with a manic week, but I realised this lockdown was different. I haven’t struggled with the pandemic at all until now, I’ve been my ‘ray of sunshine’ self all along and probably put this down to copious amounts of self care, daily exercise and positive outlook. (I do realise how lucky I have been to be unscathed up until now)

Anyway, tough week, I’ve said. So yesterday we got out in the middle of no-where (locally) and every so often I stopped to look around and wonder at the beauty of the thick untouched snow on the hills for miles around. It was stunning, glistening and silent. I honest to god felt like all of my stress and worries and tense shoulders had melted away on those hills. Seriously, it was like therapy! Free therapy.

Today I continued with the therapy and took myself off to the snow covered hills again, alone with my highly motivating audio book (Mel Robbins – 5 second rule) and again it was wonderful to be out. Listening to Mel made me re-focus on what I’m going to do differently this week coming up to make my week easier.

1. Not press snooze – I procrastinate and press snooze endless times each day, I’m wasting the day!
2. Have some ‘social media free’ time – I scroll for endless amounts of hours each day, I could save myself a whole host of time (and some negativity) if I stop bloody scrolling
3. The Uni days are going to be Uni days and work days work days – this week I had 2 laptops open on Tuesday and Wednesday, I didn’t know whether I was coming or going, or which hat I was wearing.
4. I’m getting out every day, regardless of the business of the day, the weather or my ‘cantbearsedness’ I’m doing this!

Anyway I thought I’d share that even positive pants people have off periods and also, I wanted to be accountable for the improvements I’m going to make next week. I’ll have to do it now I’ve written it Ha!

Have a good week and I’ll pop back next week to update you in the progress…..

Stay Safe x

Well 2020, its been a blast! And I mean that….

I’ve fit so much in, done so much and tried to be positive the whole time. I believe this has been the reason I have come out of this unscathed and positive. Some of the good times from this year have been:

• I went to Bournemouth to a sober group meeting up and it was amazing, meeting friends for life
• Run a Nurses hands campaign providing pampering to many nurses in the Northern Care Alliance.
• We managed to keep our running club going for a fair chunk of the pandemic, inspiring people to exercise throughout and still having people graduate with us following the C25K program.
• Clothes swap and an ultra-challenge (50km) in Bury raising £2,000 for charity
• Became a mental health first aider
• Completed the Yorkshire 3 peaks & Snowdon (not on the same day)
• Completed numerous Virtual ultra-challenges including Race to the Stones, lands’ end to john o groats, Jurassic coast and walk to the North Pole.
• I celebrated 2 years sober, then more recently 800 days!
• I made my plan for writing my book (but I know in reality this might take 2 years)
• I have been accepted to university for my degree which starts in January
• I bought my shiny new car, with my own pennies after paying lots of debt off
• I learned (I use this term loosely) to paddleboard
• I survived a pandemic whilst keeping a positive mind-set
• I found my love of reading
• I lost 2 stone
• I made a whole host of wonderful new friends
• I was shortlisted in the final for inspired women awards
• I started a hiking group with 6 people in January and now have almost 200 members 🙈they don’t all attend at once!

It really has been a year that I have a lot to be grateful for.

Happy new year everyone and I hope next year is a positive & healthy year for you.

Thanks for the support, friendships and company this year.
Xxx

Im 800 days calmer, more diplomatic, more focused and determined, 800 days more grown up and responsible.

Im also 800 days less of a prick, less of a drama queen, 800 days less of a negative self pitying attention seeking crying mess.

I’ve very rarely suffered from anxiety since being sober, but I only realised the 2 were linked when I stopped drinking. Another unexpected life changing benefit.

So much has changed, including me. I love who I am though and wouldn’t change who I have become or becoming. Im actually happy and grateful that I went to hell and back to now appreciate who I am and how good life actually is when I’m not trying to throw it all away.
❤

I’ve done an awful lot of facing my fears in my new sober life. As recent as last week it was open water ….today cows….

Whilst hiking today I spoke with a friend about ‘fears’ and I mentioned I even had fears about stopping drinking!

– Would I be fun
– Would I lose my friends
– Would my relationship survive
– Would I laugh
– Would I enjoy living
– would I be capable of stopping?

Once I realised I was ‘capable’ of stopping… the other fears disappeared. So much so that every one of those fears were ridiculous as each one was the complete opposite.

My relationship with fear is changing. I think its making me stronger, more capable, braver…and actually more fun. As a result I’m surrounded by friends who want to join in

Have you got a fear you’ll try and face this week?
❤❤
X
Ps. This cow is now also one of my mates

I’m a social media girl. I live and breathe Facebook and Instagram. I love celebrating my great life. It has changed immeasurably since going sober, it really has. I celebrate this every day.

I mean this isn’t me having a celebratory cake every day (I need to pack that in) but when I open my eyes in a morning and breathe, see the sunshine, walk outside, go hiking or running, eat good food, see my friends, travel to beautiful place. This is how I celebrate. This is my life ❤

I like to share the celebrations and the wonderful moments. I’ve been given a second chance at life and I will shout about that from the rooftops (if that pisses you off, unfollow me) but I’m not bragging or gloating…what I am doing is showing people that without alcohol there is a great big world, to be lived, breathed and celebrated – every fucking day!

I do get people who are struggling to get sober or my pictures have planted a seed, contact me to say it helps. All the sober positive stuff makes a difference. I know, I live it, but I follow it all day every day. I follow everyone positive 😊

Now normally I’m positive about everything in life but this last couple of weeks have been tough. Really tough.

• Work has been super challenging.
• Run club has been very time consuming to organise (but worth it) and I was encountering some challenges from people
• Im injured, thats not fun
• Some old emotional shit was thrown into the mix last week, I was fine at the time but as I started to relive the situation, became upsetting all over again.

So I struggled, I became overwhelmed, and wanted to cry, a lot. Now, we all have drama, stuff going on, this is life. But when all of the above involved quite a few people being really fucking rude towards me, I had had enough.

I dont deal with conflict and drama very well at all, but people being really rude and mean to me, well that just makes me want to cry.

I’ve waffled on I know… but its been a while since I blogged, I’ve took a Facebook break, still on Instagram as I only follow positivity and have come away for some rest and doing what I love, being outside in nature.

Thats just my little update for now ❤
Take care of yourselves and leave negativity and drama at the door. ❤

Lots of love

All Shiny & New

What are you doing at 3am, I bet you aren’t lay awake riddled with anxiety after being blackout drunk full of regrets, but you dont know what for, because you have absolutely no idea what you did or said or when you actually went to bed. so you are sat scrolling through texts, twitter and facebook.

Each time I lay there I searched frantically for evidence of my dick moves, then thinking I was going to die, like really die, I felt it in my bones, the pit of my stomach, my head and my heart. It was living through hell! I was hot sweaty absolutely filled with dread and fear and this would last until 4.30am – every single day.

In this hour and a half I would make a pact with myself, every 5 minutes, stop drinking tomorrow, please do this, please dont drink, you are a dick, please stop drinking! I’d then fall back to sleep, wake up again and be extremely sheepish with Pete as I will have caused world war 3 the night before, I’d have fell out with him without him even knowing. Poor Pete!

Then my morning walking through treacle would ensue, by dinner time I would have sobered up slightly, meaning this was when I started to reason with myself ‘maybe just one or 2?’ – talk about Groundhog day!

If you are in this viscious cycle of hell, please please do get help, ask you GP for support, read all the quit lit you can get your hands on, speak to friends, join a support group – ask me, i’ll offer advice, whatever it takes.

Please dont suffer with the 3am hell!

Love from me

X

On Monday we attended a ‘virtual’ drinks tasting session with Club Soda and Lucky Saint. Club soda went live and demonstrated the alcohol free drinks purchased from ‘the wise bartender‘ the packs for the event are not on the website, but many more bundles are available here: https://wisebartender.co.uk/wise-packs-12-c.asp

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Lucky Saint Lager

330ml – 0.5% Alcohol, 16 kcal per 100ml – The verdict on this one is that its very nice, you actually cant tell the difference between ordinary Lager and this alcohol free version. This would be very nice in a beer garden for anyone abstaining or the designated driver. highly recommended. This is sold in Sainsbury’s and Tesco and some bars have it as their alcohol free option. Click here to go to Lucky Saint website

Up Flow – Pale Ale

355ml – 0.5% Alcohol, 80 kcal for 355ml – Easy to drink, this has a fresh grassy smell, and was one of the favourites from the pack. It was better left to settle for a couple of minutes before drinking, then it was very soft pale ale which all of us liked.

Brew Dog Hazy AF IPA

330ml, 0.5% Alcohol, 14 kcal per 100ml – This pale ale has tropical flavours and was really nice, Pete thought this would be lovely with a Curry and Dan liked it too. (he isn’t sober)

Tiny Rebel Non -Alcoholic Topical IPA

330ml, 0.5% Alcohol, 47 kcal – This was everyone’s favourite, when I heard it was fruity it smells fruity, I turned my nose up. However it was refreshing, fruity and tropical and we all commented how nice and refreshing it would be to sit and drink it in a beer garden

Tempest Drop Kick Sour Pale Ale

In my opinion it smelled funny and I really didn’t like the taste, but then I wouldn’t have had a sour drink by choice. Dan and Pete both liked it and would drink it.

Bonfire Stout – Drop Bear Beer co

I didn’t like this at all, none of us did, but then if you are stout drinker this might be OK.

Gin!

In addition to the wise bartender pack that was for the event, I bought some Sea Arch non-alcohol spirit. This drink is made in Devon and in the most beautiful bottle, its also calorie free, sugar free and vegan friendly. It costs £15.95 for 25cl and £24.95 for 70cl and is available from Sea Arch directly or Wise Bartender. I had it with plenty of ice, tonic and enjoyed 2 large glasses. It was very refreshing and I would certainly buy it again. ‘It is created with complex, natural botanicals such as sea kelp, samphire, cardamon and blood orange. But then the alcohol is gently removed to create a grown-up, alcohol-free spirit’

Below is the link to the video of the AF beer tasting

Please do let me know if you have any feedback on alcohol free drinks and I can add it here to help people with recommendations

Have a great weekend

All Shiny and New – Sue

I’m going to say that for about 5 years I had drunk daily, a stupid amount of wine! I literally couldn’t wait for wine o’clock (this became earlier and earlier as time went on). My life was OK, but I honestly felt I was walking through treacle every single day, but i couldn’t see a way out.

Towards the end, this treacle was getting neck deep and so much thicker by the day….by the hour. I still get a bit sad about how much of my life I wasted, at least 5 years! How could I let myself get like that you may ask, alcohol is evil sneaky poison and does that to you, to an awful lot of people. It’s a massive depressant and is like pouring petrol on anxiety.

Now my life is so much better, without the drama, negativity and poison, without the focus on wine like nothing else mattered! It’s weird how it wasn’t just the wine I eliminated, but people too. I attracted some people who were like this too and it was only by going sober that I saw my worth and eliminated certain people who were using me, being disloyal and were behaving in an immoral and dishonest way – normally I’d have said nothing, going sober meant I could do what was right and I have absolutely no regrets doing so.

Today I’m celebrating 600 days sober, that’s 600 days of feeling better, clearer, more focused energetic and not missing alcohol at all. I’m more present for my family and real friends, colleagues, and find it easier to cope whatever life throws my way. I’m really grateful for every sober day. Thank you for sharing my 600 days

All Shiny and New

X