Over a period of 12 months, I had visited my GP, had Cognitive Behavior Therapy, had talking therapies and eventually attended counselling from an alcohol specialist service. Trish my counsellor asked me what I wanted? I said I wanted to cut down my wine consumption. Each week she would encourage me to cut down and each week I would ignore her, obviously I didn’t want to ‘cut down’ after all. At the end of the summer in 2018 I missed a session and didn’t re-arrange and so I slipped off their radar. I’d feel a failure and drink more after the sessions rather than less. After I fell off their radar I had a couple of months of drinking as much as ever, every night.

I started to have some really low points, rock bottom events if you like. I behaved ridiculously, started arguments for no reason whatsoever and walked out of restaurants and hotels and went missing.  I had regular blackouts and would be absolutely mortified the next day when I found out just how ridiculous I’d behaved, it was becoming a nightly occurrence.

One of the low points was a fall out with my mum where she pulled me on my drinking and I was distraught, really distraught. I’m pretty sure both of us cried for days!

Another low point was a couple of days later, I asked my son to lend me money to buy a ‘stop drinking’ book and he came with me to Waterstone’s to buy it. I’m still so ashamed of how low I stooped when under the influence of wine. I wasn’t just under the influence of wine on a nightly basis, it was on my mind pretty much all the time. I’d work and be looking forward to wine o’clock. I’d go running and dripping in sweat call in Tesco on the way home to buy copious amounts of wine.

Anyway, I read the book, downloaded books on audible, joined club soda, followed everyone sobriety related on Instagram, I kept myself extremely busy and I stopped drinking. The first few days were tough, but with the invaluable support of my partner Pete who stopped drinking with me, it was so much easier to do this together. I chose to drink alcohol-free substitutes, Nosecco and Freixenet 0% were my absolute saviours. I drank them by the bottle, but I didn’t care, I wasn’t drinking poison so could justify it.

I didn’t really tell people for the first few days, but then people actually started to comment on me being different. Being chirpier, clearer skin, losing weight, being all-around happier. After a few days and weeks I told everyone as I was so thrilled with how much better I felt.

I genuinely think that I got through those first weeks and months by filling the days full to the brim with ‘quit lit’ audio books, podcasts, books, social media support, running, yoga, park run, visiting friends for coffee and cake. What I was actually doing was making up for all the hours, weeks and years that I had lost of my old wine drinking life.  It felt absolutely amazing to be so full of vitality.

So here I am writing this at almost 12 months sober, people are still really supportive, I’m still enjoying life to the fullest, with such a positive outlook, still doing crazy shit, never still, always on the go, trying to inspire others, trying to help people if they need it. All because I can….

Thank you for reading my blog post! Do something lovely for yourself this weekend, I know I will 😊 X

Disclaimer: I do not condone just stopping drinking, please seek medical advice before you make any drastic lifestyle changes

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The 28 Day Alcohol Free Challenge

In the first few months of my sobriety I would tell literally anyone and everyone that would listen, that I had stopped drinking, it was a massive deal to me! The most common thing I told people was that I felt ‘All Shiny and New’ hence the name of the blog.

I know it probably sounds really cheesy, but I don’t care. I suppose people do feel like this if they make such positive changes to their lives. For me, giving up Alcohol has been the most empowering thing I have done. I have now taken back the control that I had lost over the past 8-9 years. And that feels great! So here’s a few reasons why my life feels All Shiny and New?

• My day starts with waking up feeling alive and fresh, clear headed and calm. “I’m not the kind of person to leap out of bed singing with the birds or doing cartwheels, but still I have a mental clarity like I’ve never had”

• I have direction! “I know what I’m doing each day and have the energy and focus to deal with what life throws at me – even the bullshit”

• I sleep, like a bloody baby, its amazing!

• I can focus on my work and do a good job, I have no idea how I functioned in my job in recent years.

• I exercise most nights. “I’ve not really got any better at the whole exercise thing, but it’s certainly easier to get off my arse and exercise is so much more enjoyable”

These might not sound like massive things to everyone else, but collectively these things have changed my life, daily.

But even though I’m All Shiny and New some things will never change!

• I’m always late! “Literally for everything”

• I’m always skint, who takes all of my money?

• I have no concept of time, like at all! Following on from me being late, I then spend my time taking on more tasks that any one person can handle.

However, I am honestly all round a much better and happier, more motivated person. Some might say All Shiny and New……….

Look out for the next post in a few days with more information on ‘Go Sober for October’ for anyone partaking. I’ll put some ideas and hints and tips in with hopefully a smidge of inspiration and motivation.

Thank you for reading and if you haven’t read ‘my slippery slope’ blog from a couple of days ago, please take a look 🙂 Sue x

What made me want to stop drinking? Nothing actually, there was no ‘wanting’ about it; it was a need more than anything. I needed to stop saying ‘just one or two – which turned into much more’ I needed to stop waking up at 3am worried about what time I went to bed, did I behave like a tit, did we fall out, did I post random shit on social media (this was usually the case)

People did and still do ask me did I try to moderate my alcohol consumption? Just don’t drink as much? Just have a couple of glasses? I think some people are born without an off switch and I was one of them – but also alcohol is much more addictive than we think. We tend to associate someone who is an alcohol addict as a homeless person on the street drinking cider at 10am. But there are far more people addicted to and dependent upon alcohol than ever and yet they manage to hold down a job, a home and be a parent. These people are in fact fully functioning alcoholics.   

And one day that can come up and bite you on the arse, right out of nowhere! Now some of us are lucky enough to be able to do something about it, yes I consider myself very very lucky! I had lots of low moments, lots of really stupid shit I did where I would disappear and walk out of restaurants and Pete would have no idea where I was, I usually rang my youngest son to come and rescue me. Now I’m mortified about this, but at the time he kindly rescued me, had a word with me and mentioned having wine in the house wasn’t a good idea! Fancy your child having to tell you this. Not great!

One of my last low points was my sister’s hen party last year, I really don’t remember half of it, I was completely wasted and apparently spent a fair bit of time crying, Pete had to come and pick me up – fairly early on in the evening. I’ve blocked most of it out and feel a shudder when I see the pictures. (Sorry Laura)

So, have I always been a big drinker? No actually. I did the whole drinking in the park as a teenager when I was at school, on a Friday night. Then straight from school I met my first husband, Terry, the kid’s dad. It wasn’t very often we would drink, maybe on a night out. Certainly not in the house. I had the kids and still wasn’t a big drinker, I would get drunk on nights out, but the nights out weren’t regular enough for me to have a drink problem.

I probably really made it to being about 35 before I started going out and socialising and drinking lots. I was on my second marriage, that failed,  and was single for the first time in my life, off I was celebrating singledom and socialising at every given opportunity. I would say at this stage, still not drinking in the house, but binge drinking most weekends. I had turned into a right party animal.

I had been suffering from anxiety during my failed relationship and so even though I was enjoying being single now, I was still anxious, nervous and stressy. My mum told me recently that I was like this all through my childhood!  As time has gone on, I’ve realised two things about alcohol and my anxiety. Firstly, I drank because I was anxious and stressed and secondly I was anxious and stressed as a result of over-drinking. It was a vicious cycle!

So for the next years 8 or 9 years, I self-medicated to de-stress. I started to drink in the house and binged at weekends.  8 years ago I met Pete (whilst drunk), we would regularly indulge in drunken antics in town, partying until stupid o’clock, I don’t know how old I think I was, I would often gate-crash his work nights out, we’d end up in Wetherspoons or the village (depending on cash flow) every Friday night drinking numerous bottles of wine between us. We would buy wine most nights of the week and life was great, fast paced, but more often than not I was drunk of an evening and hung over the next day.

I would say I’ve known for at least a couple of years before stopping drinking that I actually needed to stop. I blamed my Dad passing away for my increased intake of wine, in the early days I would drown my sorrows in wine and then sit and cry. If I wasn’t crying I was causing an argument over random shit. In all honesty I was becoming a bloody nightmare!

In a later blog I will talk about how I stopped and what helped me to do it, but initially I wanted to give a history of my drinking to put my journey into context.

For people wondering why on earth I’m writing a blog, it can’t be because I’m bored! I’ve certainly not got time to be bored. But if writing a blog and sharing my story helps one person to cut down a little, or a lot then my story was worth sharing.  

In future blogs I will share How I started, my Toolbox, the firsts of everything, my shiny new life, and How Exercise and Challenges have changed my life

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