Since we last spoke I have walked an ultra-marathon (on Saturday) and reached 1000 days sober (on Sunday) – Yeay! Go me!

Sounds all pretty positive eh? Well Saturday wasn’t so positive, and the disappointment still lingers, I didn’t finish my ultra-marathon, I had to retire from the event on medical grounds – heat exhaustion. Which ironically (because I was so dehydrated) was followed by over 3 hours of tears, big wet and snotty dramatic tears!

We started out at 7.30am and it was already 24 degrees, immediately on a hill and then there was 10km of hills, moors and bog that followed. This 10km took longer than we expected, but we made the first stop at 13km still positive and upbeat. We were very well hydrated as we took 3 litres of water at each rest stop. However, I didn’t really eat much, I felt sick in the heat. This was going to come back and bite me on the arse!

After 13km we were on flat trails along a river, in a tiny bit of shade. So we got in some km quite quickly considering the heat. Then it got to me, the extreme heat on very little food and 30 degree heat. My pace slowed down dramatically, and I barely made it to the 27km stop without huffing and crying when no-one was watching.

I didn’t want to go back out after this stop, but Pete insisted. I picked myself up, changed clothes, ate a sandwich and off we went again. It was soon evident I had nothing left in the tank with the heat and lack of food. It was mike and Pete and the videos, messages and love from people on social media that got me to the 37km stop. Before we walked into the rest stop I immediately asked the lady what do I do to retire, my mind was made up and even Pete and Mike knew if I had carried on it would be 2am when we finished. If they went without me they could be in by midnight.

So after re-fueling off they went reluctantly leaving me behind and I broke my heart watching them go without me! I felt guilty on them as I slowed them so much throughout the day, I felt guilty on the people who had sponsored us almost £2,300 ….I thought about my sister and friend who had had Sarcoma (our charity we were raining funds for) and been through so much…..and also, I was just downright disappointed in myself!

I was taken back to the start and looked after by all the staff whilst waiting for Pete and Mike to finish, I didn’t have to wait very long. They actually ran most of the last 13km despite them being broken when they left me at 37km. Just Incredible! I’m so proud of them.

The next day, when I was less emotional, I realised I was incredibly proud of myself getting to 37km in the toughest conditions I’ve ever done an event. I was proud for setting off, I was proud for having the grit and determination to reach 37km and I was proud that my body and mind was capable of all of this.

I was also extremely proud to be 1,000 days sober. My life has changed dramatically in 1,000 days and everyday I’m grateful for this!

Thank you to everyone for the support on helping to raise funds, kind words throughout all the crying on social media and to Mike and Pete for supporting me and being just hero’s’ by finishing their ultra in such a spectacular way!

https://www.justgiving.com/fundraising/ticklesandclarke

Well this week has been a bit naff and I’ve been rather grumpy. 5 days ago I was pinged by the NHS Covid app to advise I had to self isolate for the next 5 days (it would have been 10 days but the day in question was 5 days prior)

I’m doing 2 ultra challenges in the next 6 weeks and really could not afford to lose 5 days training. However, once I stopped being a baby I realised there’s worse things to happen. I could still exercise in the house and I still have 2 weeks until the first event.

So I’m free to go outside tomorrow and I’m literally out hiking the hills for the next 8 days, then I’ll do a couple of shorter hikes the week before the event in the lake district.

So today I got up stupidly early, did a 3000 step challenge workout, yoga, wim hof breathing exercises, acupressure mat session and spent the rest of the day in the garden reading a whole book. Ate good food with very little crap, which is a miracle for me. A proper self care day. Maybe….I needed to chill a little and look after me a bit before cracking on with more training. Maybe I needed to refocus. I think its worked.

The book I read today was written by my friend who is a new author Irene Wignall. Honestly both her books are bloody brilliant. Easy reading, relatable (in the sense of crazy shit going on) and so bloody funny. Plus she is sober and very inspirational 😍

Irene, it came this morning, I’ve just finished it and I bloody bloody loved it 🙌🙌🙌 (if you fancy seeing what the fuss is about, website is below)

https://lookforrainbows.com/

Thanks for reading and be prepared to see a few weeks of pictures from the hills and mountains. Enjoy the rest of your weekend 🥰

I bloody loved doing this Instagram live tonight with Soberfish. I’ve followed Dawn on Instagram and Facebook and her blog since before I was sober. So she has been a massive part of my sober journey. So tonight to talk about my story with her was wonderful.

Thank you Dawn Xx

Friday 26th Feb on Instagram 7pm

Come listen to my sober story chatting to the woman who inspired me and helped me to go sober. She still inspires me every day 🙌

See you there ❤

5 Years today since my Dad died. Seems like a lifetime ago, but also like yesterday – weird. The trauma of those last days will possibly never leave me but over the years it fades a little more and I remember more of the good stuff. And there was so much of it. I had a very good childhood and lots of fond memories of my dad. I wont ever forget that 🥰

I went walking with a lovely friend today who asked me about my dad and how I was feeling about today. I explained that my dad was very ‘stop moaning and get on with it’ …it used to drive me crazy at the time, but now I 100% agree with this ethos.

Since he died, in those earlier years,  I was very ‘woe is me’ whilst drowning in wine. Today was very different…I got out and did something, something beautiful and worthwhile and exhilarating. I lived life …and got on with it. But still remembering him. I suppose climbing those hills today made me closer

We saw the most beautiful Robin on the way back to the car. I think that was Dad approving of me ‘getting on with life’ and grasping it with both hands.

RIP Daddy – I love you 😍
X

This week was such a better week. I MADE time to walk each day, I did exercise on zoom, I had early nights. I also had my B12, full blood screen, restarted all my vitamins and supplements and booked some healthcare appointments to help with my aches and pains. I put myself and my sanity first and slotted work and uni around that.

I need to remember for the 2 years of this degree that I need to do this! What I did this week and NOT what I did on week 1.

What have I changed?
Less social media and scrolling
More walking and exercise
Plot time in, instead of winging it
Earlier nights
Getting up early
Daily headspace and insight meditation
Made a chiropractor appointment
Vitamins and supplements

What else?
I’ll continue with the above as its worked. But if I struggle again I’ll switch it up. Because I don’t want that ‘drowning’ feeling from week 1.

In all of this being a new student, crazy work demands and a global pandemic….im sure glad I’m sober. Im glad I don’t need alcohol to ‘cope’ or function (which is funny, alcohol does the complete opposite) in ‘place’ of alcohol I sit and think and come up with a plan to deal with it.

I hope you are having a lovely Sunday. I’m sat chilling on the couch and will go out and get my free outdoor therapy fix and do some studying later. All is good.

If my post inspires you to do something a smidge positive to make your week better, let me know – stay safe x

Wow hasn’t it been crazy! I’ve literally burnt out from the last 6 weeks of constant 12 hour days. I didn’t have a break over Christmas so have only had a couple of days off in weeks. I work for the NHS so have been busy buying everything to build vaccination clinics from scratch whilst managing a team who are doing the everyday pandemic plus business as usual buying. As well as work being crazy I started an apprenticeship degree and Management in Health and Social Care this week. I know, why would I do this? But ….its something I’ve fancied for a while and we were mid ‘waves’ when I actually signed up. Not in wave 3 lockdown craziness.

So last week I worked a million hours, plus 2 days of university and no exercise. This was the worst part, the no exercise. I literally do something exercise wise every day usually. Even if its a couple of km dog walk, clubbercise by zoom or Pilates. So to do nothing for a week I was really struggling, Mentally and physically. It made me realise that not only was I struggling with a manic week, but I realised this lockdown was different. I haven’t struggled with the pandemic at all until now, I’ve been my ‘ray of sunshine’ self all along and probably put this down to copious amounts of self care, daily exercise and positive outlook. (I do realise how lucky I have been to be unscathed up until now)

Anyway, tough week, I’ve said. So yesterday we got out in the middle of no-where (locally) and every so often I stopped to look around and wonder at the beauty of the thick untouched snow on the hills for miles around. It was stunning, glistening and silent. I honest to god felt like all of my stress and worries and tense shoulders had melted away on those hills. Seriously, it was like therapy! Free therapy.

Today I continued with the therapy and took myself off to the snow covered hills again, alone with my highly motivating audio book (Mel Robbins – 5 second rule) and again it was wonderful to be out. Listening to Mel made me re-focus on what I’m going to do differently this week coming up to make my week easier.

1. Not press snooze – I procrastinate and press snooze endless times each day, I’m wasting the day!
2. Have some ‘social media free’ time – I scroll for endless amounts of hours each day, I could save myself a whole host of time (and some negativity) if I stop bloody scrolling
3. The Uni days are going to be Uni days and work days work days – this week I had 2 laptops open on Tuesday and Wednesday, I didn’t know whether I was coming or going, or which hat I was wearing.
4. I’m getting out every day, regardless of the business of the day, the weather or my ‘cantbearsedness’ I’m doing this!

Anyway I thought I’d share that even positive pants people have off periods and also, I wanted to be accountable for the improvements I’m going to make next week. I’ll have to do it now I’ve written it Ha!

Have a good week and I’ll pop back next week to update you in the progress…..

Stay Safe x

Well 2020, its been a blast! And I mean that….

I’ve fit so much in, done so much and tried to be positive the whole time. I believe this has been the reason I have come out of this unscathed and positive. Some of the good times from this year have been:

• I went to Bournemouth to a sober group meeting up and it was amazing, meeting friends for life
• Run a Nurses hands campaign providing pampering to many nurses in the Northern Care Alliance.
• We managed to keep our running club going for a fair chunk of the pandemic, inspiring people to exercise throughout and still having people graduate with us following the C25K program.
• Clothes swap and an ultra-challenge (50km) in Bury raising £2,000 for charity
• Became a mental health first aider
• Completed the Yorkshire 3 peaks & Snowdon (not on the same day)
• Completed numerous Virtual ultra-challenges including Race to the Stones, lands’ end to john o groats, Jurassic coast and walk to the North Pole.
• I celebrated 2 years sober, then more recently 800 days!
• I made my plan for writing my book (but I know in reality this might take 2 years)
• I have been accepted to university for my degree which starts in January
• I bought my shiny new car, with my own pennies after paying lots of debt off
• I learned (I use this term loosely) to paddleboard
• I survived a pandemic whilst keeping a positive mind-set
• I found my love of reading
• I lost 2 stone
• I made a whole host of wonderful new friends
• I was shortlisted in the final for inspired women awards
• I started a hiking group with 6 people in January and now have almost 200 members 🙈they don’t all attend at once!

It really has been a year that I have a lot to be grateful for.

Happy new year everyone and I hope next year is a positive & healthy year for you.

Thanks for the support, friendships and company this year.
Xxx

Im 800 days calmer, more diplomatic, more focused and determined, 800 days more grown up and responsible.

Im also 800 days less of a prick, less of a drama queen, 800 days less of a negative self pitying attention seeking crying mess.

I’ve very rarely suffered from anxiety since being sober, but I only realised the 2 were linked when I stopped drinking. Another unexpected life changing benefit.

So much has changed, including me. I love who I am though and wouldn’t change who I have become or becoming. Im actually happy and grateful that I went to hell and back to now appreciate who I am and how good life actually is when I’m not trying to throw it all away.
❤