I’ve made sure as busy as I’ve been this week to stop and appreciate all the good stuff! This does not mean that shit stuff doesn’t appear to throw me off course, it’s happened numerous times today alone! And I’ve lost count of the curve-balls I’ve been thrown this week with some drama or other. I have to have a word with myself and think that other people’s bullshit is theirs, not mine and smile and walk away (usually with some colourful language along the way).  

Anyway, this is supposed to be a positive post! On Wednesday evening I went to Heaton Park Lightopia Festival with 9 friends and it really was wonderful, it was very quiet, but I loved being able to walk around the beautiful light displays, chatting with friends and just having a chilled time without the crowds! A couple of times I hung behind my friends and realised just how bloody lucky I am that they are in my life. I have mentioned before when I embarked on this sobriety lark, I expected to lose friends. I’ve now realised this was stupid, as we are all so much closer and they are super supportive.  

Thursday was a weird one as I woke with sore ears, throat and a bit under the weather. I worked in the morning and then slept for hours in the afternoon, I almost cancelled an evening meal with friends as I was feeling so rough earlier in the day – However, after sleeping off any grottiness I put on my glad rags and off I went. I spent 2 hours eating lovely food whilst chatting and laughing until my sides hurt. God, I love these women!

Friday I had the day off, we bought loads of presents and have nearly finished our Christmas shopping! I hate shopping, I hate black Friday and I hate crowds. God bless Amazon!

First thing on Friday I had a crazy idea, like you do, I fancied doing a marathon relay with teams of 4 friends. So I started a team, then 2 teams and so on. I’m now on 6 teams of people that have been co-ordinated and arranged into race order and distance in a spread sheet, it looks pretty awesome to be honest, I’m impressed it all worked out as well as it did. Bring on Manchester Marathon with 23 crazy friends!

Saturday was a bit of a bugger as park run was cancelled due to ice. However I would still get my outdoor feel good fix that afternoon by planting trees on the moors high up in Bolton! I took part in‘Tree Planting Day’ #BigClimateFightback and I planted 20 trees! It was brisk and I met a friend there, she was an existing friend, but we didn’t know each other was going – so this made it all the more fun. She had her daughter with her and I was mega impressed that she had got her daughter to take part.

I found a wonderful and accurate quote yesterday ‘Sobriety doesn’t put you back together as someone you were……but as someone new!’ (credit @mysobercircle) – I don’t think I realised I wasnt keen on the ‘someone I was’ until I met the ‘someone new’

Enjoy the rest of your weekend,

All Shiny and New Xx

My god I needed that weekend; last week was full of busyness and very hectic (but good) stuff and when it came to the weekend I actually had a rest instead of going to Parkrun, my body really needed that little break!

So Saturday morning I forced myself to stay in bed watching TV. It wasn’t usual TV stuff it was documentaries on ultra-marathon/ madness challenges. For those of you that don’t know I’ve embarked on Ultra Marathon Training with just under 6 months to go to the Isle-of-Wight Challenge of 50km. So I binge watched documentaries about the Barkley Marathons, not that my challenge will be a patch on that crazy shit at all, BUT it helped to put my challenge into perspective and made me realise I need a slap if I moan about what I’m doing. Those people are hard core crazy, but determined!

So after chilling and not running (whilst watching about running) we had my baby sister’s fancy dress 30^th party last night which was brilliant! After stopping drinking I used to get a bit anxious about being in social situations whilst others were drinking, however last night, not an eyelid was batted by others around us, or by us when others were drinking. We had an absolute blast laughing the whole night whilst drinking alcohol free fizz and alcohol free beer. And there was no anxiousness beforehand at all – Winning!

Today has been just as wonderful too, me and my friend Maria started off my ultra-training – We took on Rivington pike in the fog and mist and didn’t really get lost…i might be fibbing there! 😉 We never shut up from the moment she got in the car until I dropped her off a few hours later. We may have burned just as many calories chatting as climbing hills! A wonderful time was had and we felt good, really good for getting out there and taking on the world, well Bolton….

People do comment on me being so busy, and leading up to this weekend I’ve felt it too – BUT I do love it, I choose what to do and when I want to do it, yes I’m busy every day and every night, but I choose to fill it with ‘Good for the Soul Stuff!’

What good stuff will you choose to fit in this week? Have a good one!

All Shiny & New

Sue Xx

My old life in daily stages!

1. The Anxiety

I’d wake up at 3am with anxiety every single morning (with palpitations and anxiety), ‘Sue what the fuck are you doing with your life? You really need to stop this, you are out of control’. I’d be awake for a couple of hours with this anxiety, I’d be analysing everything from the night before, what had I done or said and to who? I can honestly say that in 95% of cases I actually couldn’t remember. I had to rely on Pete telling me or check Facebook! Eventually I’d fall back asleep – still wake up feeling like absolute death.

2. Late Starter

After getting up late still feeling like absolute death and trying to pretend I was looking after myself by chucking on make-up. I’d drive to work, yes this still mortifies me! It takes an hour to process a small glass of wine, the volume I had drunk, I should have never ever drove, whatever the time of day!  The whole journey I would be having a word with myself and reasoning with the ‘drunk Sue’ she was saying, ‘you’ll be OK soon and it’s almost wine o’clock’ – this was on my way to work by the way!

3. ‘I Hate Myself’

Until lunchtime I was still full of self-loathing, still hated the way I felt (and I was doing this to myself) and was literally walking through treacle to get to lunchtime. I would literally repeat to myself, ‘You need to stop, you need a night off alcohol, and your body needs a bloody break!’ I never had the night off, ever!

 4. Food to feel human

Lunchtime, food, feel a bit human – then the afternoon would be busy as I was frantically trying to catch up with feeling so incredibly shit in the morning – during this time I never really thought about drinking because I was too busy. So that was about 3-4 hours if that, in the whole day!

5. Wine O’clock prep time

Thoughts of wine had crept in…or more appropriately ‘poured’ in! Which supermarket would be on my way home? Was Pete buying or me? How many bottles? What time could I start on the wine? – the conversations between me and Pete every day would start with, ‘let’s just not drink as much tonight’ – Simple!

6. Wine O’clock – This was my absolute favourite time of day!

Home, I’d spend time cooking in the kitchen (more than I do now) but I was also polishing off wine quite quickly whilst cooking – Pete was always so surprised that we ran out of wine quite early in the night. He ALWAYS got less glasses of wine than me! I always managed to cook the tea to an OK standard and eat it, after this I couldn’t really remember much.  It all went downhill from here, the blackouts, the arguments (if there was any) the sloping off to bed by 9pm without saying a word, the boys would ask where I’d gone and Pete would just assume I’d taken myself off to bed.

Repeat every single day, back to step 1 – Do I miss the Good Old Days, absolutely not.

While this seems extreme, this was actually my little life, for at least 12 months prior to going sober – if you find your days becoming remotely similar to the above, please please I urge you to take a look at your drinking, and seek help before it’s too late.

Alan Carr wrote a book called ‘the easy way to stop drinking’ (there isn’t an easy way by the way!) He uses the metaphor of a pitcher plant, a carnivorous plant that lures flies and other insects with its sweet nectar, luring them further and further in until they can’t get out even when they try. The difference between a “normal drinker” and an “alcoholic” is merely one of degree on where they are on the pitcher plant.

I read loads of self-help books to stop drinking, but the pitcher plant analogy above has stayed with me. Just a little reminder that I’m writing this blog to raise awareness of how easy it is to fall into this way of living / existing.  If by writing about it I can help 1 or 2 people to have a think about their drinking habits, then it’s worth writing this blog.

Hope you are having a good weekend

All Shiny & New

Sue x

They are my bloody favourite. The very best thing about sobriety! So….. I love running and I love my friends, so running with friends on a Saturday morning make for Sue being in a great mood all day 🙂

I’ve had quite a stressful week this week, extremely busy at work and then something on every night too. So this resulted in me being quite anxious 2 days this week on the way to work, now don’t get me wrong I love my job, but this was my body’s way of saying ‘you are doing too much again dickhead’.  So I had to deal with that emotion of anxiety and overdoing it, I really had to fit in some self-care.  So I eventually had a night off doing all the running about last night, had takeaway, gelled my nails, treated myself to a facial and had an early night.

I woke up before my alarm this morning which is never known, I normally hate mornings! BUT this morning was different. I was excited. We had 5 people in our car, me, Pete and 3 of our friends. We had some friends heading over from Macclesfield to meet us and my brother was driving over from St Helens. We all travelled about an hour and met at Delamere Forest Parkrun.

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It was absolutely bloody freezing; we must have needed our heads testing. But what a stunning place! Very ‘traily’ run, very enjoyable! We also met a Facebook friend I have, Nic, she runs a page called ‘Fuelled by fun’ all about motivating people to get up, out and moving. This is what I feel passionate about too. So we just clicked and chatted the whole way around, about my blog, her coming to do Parkrun tourism with us at Heaton Park, mental health, ultras etc. the 5k soon flew by! Well after 38 minutes it did 😉

Why am I sharing all this, well just over 12 months ago on Saturday mornings I would have been a right state! I never did park run, I used to get up dead late, wasting hours of the day, walk the dog, eat terribly, feel like shit and then count down the hours until I could drink again. Saturdays was worse than normal as Friday was always the heaviest nights drinking. It would be the day the rows would have been worse the night before, the blackouts worse and I would have no idea whatsoever I would have said to Pete, to Facebook or the world. I was always spouting off shit to someone! It was awful. Such a waste of a day, waste of my life really.

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Anyway, I’m gratefully sat chilling tonight, writing this, catching up on Netflix, getting my run stuff ready for a 10k by the sea in Lytham in the morning! Again cannot wait! Bring on the blue skies, running with friends and feeling fresh and amazing. I love my life!

Enjoy the rest of your weekend and please do share this blog with your friends

All Shiny & New

Sue Xx

Doesn’t it make you feel good to make a difference to someone, brighten their day, or give them a boost? What’s not to like about that?

Me and Pete were both tagged in a social media post yesterday by a friend who has just smashed ‘Go sober for October’ with her husband. The difference in Sara is evident. She looks fantastic, with a spring in her step, glossy hair and very proud smile and so she should be, very proud. She has even mentioned, she may just not drink again or for a while as she feels so good!

When you drink alcohol frequently or in large quantities, it’s so hard to cut down or give up when it has any kind of control over you. Obviously there are different levels of ‘hold’ experienced by people. Sara and her husband didn’t drink as much as Pete and I, but still this is a massive achievement for them. On her post a couple of other people mentioned that they had been inspired by us too to cut down their own alcohol consumption.

We never preach to people about their drinking habits, but to be able to inspire someone to make a positive change, that’s certainly satisfying! This post and the positive response from it made me feel very proud.

One of the first things that worried me about going sober was what if I miss out, how can I celebrate stuff, am I going to have to miss events and sit at home crying into my Nosecco!?! Am I going to be lonely, what will happen to my friendships, will I lose them?

Very soon after stopping drinking my sister got married. My first wedding! I was there obviously all day and night around everyone drinking. The reality was I enjoyed every single minute; I was fully present, didn’t make a dick of myself and could celebrate the whole of the occasion without having to be carried home after an hour of arriving. I did take my own alcohol free fizz and still raised a toast to the bride and groom like everyone else. This made me realise very quickly that a sober Christmas, New Year, Birthdays and other celebrations were completely doable too.  I did them all….and survived!

Holidays were something I wasn’t particularly looking forward to tackling; it was always a time to kick back and relax. That always always involved copious amounts of alcohol previously, but from much earlier in the day, which meant I was even more ridiculous than normal. So throughout this year me and Pete went away for the odd night, I even did a couple of girlfriend’s nights away, but when it came to a family holiday this year with others who would be drinking, I thought it would be much more difficult. It actually wasn’t, I was passed the whole “am I missing out stage?” the answer was no, I had a great time!  

So I used to always to drink whatever the occasion, so it wasn’t only the good stuff, I used to drink when I’d had a rough stressful day too. I was an expert at self-medicating. So now when I have a day like this I either keep myself busy, but with good stuff like running or being with friends, OR I actually take time out and do something relaxing and see if I can switch off with yoga or mindfulness exercises. I had to work out for myself how to deal with all the stressful shit, because in reality it’s still there some days.  This could have quite easily been my downfall.  

So I’m 12 months sober today, am I missing out? Sat here with Pete in our beach hut that he hired overlooking the sea, with cards and gifts and an abundance of messages and well wishes,  watching the world go by, all without a care in the world. “Am I missing out? I think not!”

Thank you to you all for the support and friendship over the past 12 months and the love today.

Xx

Yeay! So proud of me! Yes it was me that made the decision and did all the hard work but I had a toolbox that was overflowing to help me to get here.

Podcasts…..I didn’t even know what they were (I was probably too drunk to care) but I have listened to Janey Lee Grace podcast Alcohol Free Life, lots of them, on sobriety and mindful drinking on my way to work every day. Janey Lee Grace is an English singer, author, television presenter and radio DJ. She has now created ‘The Sober Club‘ and is a huge influence in the sobriety movement including doing a wonderful Tedx talk. She is really very interesting.

Audio books – I’ve read all the ‘Quit Lit’ available on audible. It was so good to know other people had the same drink problems and still functioned, they went through quitting booze in the same way and came out all amazing at the other side. They survived! I could relate to each one of them and the books and people’s stories remain in my toolbox for when I may need them.

Friends – This has been one of the best bits. My best friend used to be wine. I had some people friends but didn’t speak to them or see them after 7pm because I was with my actual best friend, wine! Now fast forward almost 12 months and I see my friends, speak to them, hear them and hopefully inspire them as much as they inspire me. I do find myself drawn to interacting with inspiring positive people all of the time now and try to avoid negative situations as much as I possibly can. Now sober though I do have to work on my ‘face’, I’m not very good at being patient and understanding with people who moan constantly. I do need to work on this as not everyone has a positive outlook on life. I must try harder!

Exercise – for those of you who know me I’m slightly obsessed with running, walking, marshaling and yoga. I absolutely love it and everything I get from it. Now I’m hardly a typical sporty person as a curvy size 18. I’m not very fast or very good at exercise and I have literally zero balance. However what I lack in ability I do make up for in passion. I get a lot mentally from exercise. I get clarity, friendship, chatting, laughter, stress relief and it all helps to ‘Calm the Chaos’ in my mind. Seriously…if you can grab your trainers today and move a little, do it.

Alcohol free drinks – Some people stop drinking and don’t have alcohol free drinks, but for me it was what got me through this 12 months. I do like a nice glass, and I like a nice fizz in it. I’ve reduced the amount of this that I drink now but in the early days I drank almost as much as I did proper wine. But I wasn’t concerned. My favourite drinks are Freixenet % and Nosecco. Seriously, I’ve shared these with friends who drink and they like them too. The difference is, you don’t make a dick of yourself! Unless of course, you are a dick! Supermarkets are stocking more alcohol free drinks all of the time, alternatively there is the ‘Wise Bartender‘

Pete – My partner of 8 years. So the history is, I’ve drank literally the whole time I’ve known him. The whole time. And so did he. Can you imagine one of the first thoughts going sober was…..what if we don’t like each other? What if he doesn’t like me? What if I’m boring? The fact is though, being as bad as I was, we didn’t actually have any quality time anyway. Once my best friend (wine) came out to play…I caused arguments (over bugger all) I fell asleep on the couch after about an hour of opening a bottle, or I’d walk out on him, or go to bed in a huff – I never ever remembered why. I generally was non existent in our relationship. From day one I need not have worried. Pete stopped too which was great, we spoke at length daily about how we were doing with this extreme change. We drove around supermarkets sourcing alcohol free drinks. We’d go out for a drive or long walks so wasn’t sat at home craving wine. Pete has helped me by being my rock every single day. We never ever fall out, we go out for lovely meals, we have more money and more quality time together. Our relationship is amazing and so is he! Why did I even worry?

My boys – So really I don’t like to think of how my drinking has affected my boys who are 19 and 21. And the reason for this is I’m incredibly ashamed. Really fucking ashamed! They saw it every single day. Albeit probably for only a few minutes, they avoided spending time with me (obviously) they would get bugger all sense out of me, I would never remember what they spoke to me about and so really what was the point? We went on holiday’s and parties and their friends, family and girlfriends were around us……around me and the wine. What did the boys think? What did their girlfriends think? What did they say to them to makes excuses for their mum’s behaviour? So now I have a great relationship with them both, we talk every day and I remember it. I’m more patient and speak to them rather than at them. I’m also incredibly proud of them and help them with things including interview prep and Daniels photography work.

To my boys, Daniel and Adam, I’m very sorry for being a really rubbish mum for the last few years! You are in my toolbox as a reminder of what I missed out on.

Writing this blog is actually helping me, for 12 months I have lived by dealing with the practical aspects of not drinking, and keeping myself busy. Now I’m reflecting on my behaviour and being more mindful of how I feel and what I do and say. This is kind of like my therapy. So thank you for listening….

I’ll write again on Sunday when I’m celebrating being 12 months sober. We have a really lovely special day planned and I have some chill time by the sea in mind too 😘 have a great day everyone Xx

There’s one thing that hasn’t changed since I went sober and that’s the amount of things I try and cram in a day or week! I always did prefer to be busy every day until wine o’clock. The difference now is that I can give all of my energy to doing things now rather than feeling like I’m wading through treacle. I was always counting down the hours until I could sit on the couch for hours drinking wine. This was actually my main driver for such a long time.

So I’ve had a busy old week as usual. Monday I went for a drink and catch up with a friend and sat in a restaurant, had soft drinks and cheesecake and chatted and laughed for hours. I would not have done this previously as I’d have insisted of meeting at 5pm so I could be home for 7 at the latest! I’m so grateful I can be present for those friends and I loved it.

Tuesday is run club day, Tuesdays are just not long enough and that’s a fact! We recently set up a new run club and Tuesdays are the busiest organisation day for the club at night. Lots of co-ordination goes on in the background to make this club work for the over 100 people who attend each week. I always take a moment at the end of each session to just look around and see the runners cooling down, chatting with friends, giving wonderful feedback – we made that happen! And it’s so satisfying to see!   

Wednesday was pretty standard. Busy, but I managed to fit in a class of Retro Legs Bums & Tums despite being incredibly rushed getting home from work and wasn’t sure I could make it, for the short time I was there I absolutely loved it, had so much fun, belly laughs all whilst exercising!

Thursday saw me again incredibly busy with work. I went on a coaching course and spent over 3 hours in the car getting there and back! Then home, bite of tea – usually toast as I’m so strapped for time and back out to a local coffee shop. I attend a weekly session run by an incredibly inspiring friend where we chat about things that motivate us, why we think the way we do, body image, fitness, nutribollocks and science, all whilst drinking hot chocolate and eating cake with friends. I absolutely love it! Who knew!

By Friday I realised I hadn’t actually run myself and I had missed it, so running group had a homework run for the couch to 5k program. I went along with some of our people on the program, running the streets in the dark with flashy lights and hi-viz on. We had a chat amount mental health the whole way and even had some giggles. I went home very happy I had ran, and happy I had dragged others along for the ride (and they thanked me for it)

So today (I’m knackered writing all of this) I was up dead early to go to my favourite park run and run with some graduates of the couch to 5k program. The lady I ran with was fantastic and didn’t stop, I did walk a couple of times – but I still made it and achieved a really good time. The sun was shining, but it was fresh, it was a really great day for a park run and a really great day to be alive! I love my local park run and know a lot of people there. My graduate lady did comment that I’m famous as so many people said hello as we passed them. It’s just that friendly and I love it.

I’m off out to a black tie event tonight at a local stadium, I’m going at the invite of my friend who is nominated for an award for being an inspiration in fitness and wellbeing category. Good luck to you Lesley! I of course will be sat, fully present, with my alcohol-free fizz in my glass and clapping all the inspiration people who have been nominated.

I’ve learnt a lesson this week, and to be honest I’ve known for a good few months, I do need to slow down, just a smidge! But I do get so excited at how much I can fit in and enjoy now. But I do need to be more mindful of taking a little rest every now and then. It’s so important to remember self-care, we would tell others how to look after themselves, but we are often the last to take this advice.

Have a great weekend

Sue x

Over a period of 12 months, I had visited my GP, had Cognitive Behavior Therapy, had talking therapies and eventually attended counselling from an alcohol specialist service. Trish my counsellor asked me what I wanted? I said I wanted to cut down my wine consumption. Each week she would encourage me to cut down and each week I would ignore her, obviously I didn’t want to ‘cut down’ after all. At the end of the summer in 2018 I missed a session and didn’t re-arrange and so I slipped off their radar. I’d feel a failure and drink more after the sessions rather than less. After I fell off their radar I had a couple of months of drinking as much as ever, every night.

I started to have some really low points, rock bottom events if you like. I behaved ridiculously, started arguments for no reason whatsoever and walked out of restaurants and hotels and went missing.  I had regular blackouts and would be absolutely mortified the next day when I found out just how ridiculous I’d behaved, it was becoming a nightly occurrence.

One of the low points was a fall out with my mum where she pulled me on my drinking and I was distraught, really distraught. I’m pretty sure both of us cried for days!

Another low point was a couple of days later, I asked my son to lend me money to buy a ‘stop drinking’ book and he came with me to Waterstone’s to buy it. I’m still so ashamed of how low I stooped when under the influence of wine. I wasn’t just under the influence of wine on a nightly basis, it was on my mind pretty much all the time. I’d work and be looking forward to wine o’clock. I’d go running and dripping in sweat call in Tesco on the way home to buy copious amounts of wine.

Anyway, I read the book, downloaded books on audible, joined club soda, followed everyone sobriety related on Instagram, I kept myself extremely busy and I stopped drinking. The first few days were tough, but with the invaluable support of my partner Pete who stopped drinking with me, it was so much easier to do this together. I chose to drink alcohol-free substitutes, Nosecco and Freixenet 0% were my absolute saviours. I drank them by the bottle, but I didn’t care, I wasn’t drinking poison so could justify it.

I didn’t really tell people for the first few days, but then people actually started to comment on me being different. Being chirpier, clearer skin, losing weight, being all-around happier. After a few days and weeks I told everyone as I was so thrilled with how much better I felt.

I genuinely think that I got through those first weeks and months by filling the days full to the brim with ‘quit lit’ audio books, podcasts, books, social media support, running, yoga, park run, visiting friends for coffee and cake. What I was actually doing was making up for all the hours, weeks and years that I had lost of my old wine drinking life.  It felt absolutely amazing to be so full of vitality.

So here I am writing this at almost 12 months sober, people are still really supportive, I’m still enjoying life to the fullest, with such a positive outlook, still doing crazy shit, never still, always on the go, trying to inspire others, trying to help people if they need it. All because I can….

Thank you for reading my blog post! Do something lovely for yourself this weekend, I know I will 😊 X

Disclaimer: I do not condone just stopping drinking, please seek medical advice before you make any drastic lifestyle changes

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The 28 Day Alcohol Free Challenge

In the first few months of my sobriety I would tell literally anyone and everyone that would listen, that I had stopped drinking, it was a massive deal to me! The most common thing I told people was that I felt ‘All Shiny and New’ hence the name of the blog.

I know it probably sounds really cheesy, but I don’t care. I suppose people do feel like this if they make such positive changes to their lives. For me, giving up Alcohol has been the most empowering thing I have done. I have now taken back the control that I had lost over the past 8-9 years. And that feels great! So here’s a few reasons why my life feels All Shiny and New?

• My day starts with waking up feeling alive and fresh, clear headed and calm. “I’m not the kind of person to leap out of bed singing with the birds or doing cartwheels, but still I have a mental clarity like I’ve never had”

• I have direction! “I know what I’m doing each day and have the energy and focus to deal with what life throws at me – even the bullshit”

• I sleep, like a bloody baby, its amazing!

• I can focus on my work and do a good job, I have no idea how I functioned in my job in recent years.

• I exercise most nights. “I’ve not really got any better at the whole exercise thing, but it’s certainly easier to get off my arse and exercise is so much more enjoyable”

These might not sound like massive things to everyone else, but collectively these things have changed my life, daily.

But even though I’m All Shiny and New some things will never change!

• I’m always late! “Literally for everything”

• I’m always skint, who takes all of my money?

• I have no concept of time, like at all! Following on from me being late, I then spend my time taking on more tasks that any one person can handle.

However, I am honestly all round a much better and happier, more motivated person. Some might say All Shiny and New……….

Look out for the next post in a few days with more information on ‘Go Sober for October’ for anyone partaking. I’ll put some ideas and hints and tips in with hopefully a smidge of inspiration and motivation.

Thank you for reading and if you haven’t read ‘my slippery slope’ blog from a couple of days ago, please take a look 🙂 Sue x